Are you a bully in your home?


Bully

Do you try to control, manipulate or force others to behave and do what you want?  Or do you try to control every aspect of your environment from the placement of ornaments in the livingroom to how often the heating is put on?  What happens when these things do not happen the way you want?  Do you calmly accept life as it happens or do you explode in anger, shout, throw things, bang doors and act aggressively and hostile?  Do you tower over your family with wild eyes and point your finger at them to make them cower before you?  If you do then you’re a bully!

If you do then you’re a bully!

There are many forms that bullying behaviours come in, but they all have an underlying commonality….when you use tactics to make the world and its inhabitants fit into your own framework of how you think things should be done, you are a bully, short and simple.

It doesn’t matter if you think you have a reason, like someone is annoying you or a piece of technology isn’t doing what you expect, and it doesn’t matter if you had a bad childhood. You have no excuse for bullying someone else so don’t try and come up with one!

You cannot control the world and things will go even less your way if you explode every time some minor little thing annoys you.


Your friends, spouse and children are not there to be an emotional punch bag and they are not there to do your bidding. It doesn’t matter how much people try to stop you from exploding by modifying their behaviour, they can never know what will set you off next so how can they ever get you to stop? And more to the point, why should they have to?  It is not because of them that you rant and rave, and it’s not because the rest of the world is not playing ball…it is because of you!

There is a problem inside of you that only you can identify and only you can fix. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, you could be friendly and respectful most of the time, but if you use bad behaviours to control your environment or people in your life then you have to start looking deeper to find out what the real issues are.

But all is not lost, if you want to change then you can.  Bullying behaviours, in fact all behaviours are what are called ‘learned behaviours’.  If they are learned, then they can be unlearned.  It may not be as easy of course, to unlearn bad behaviours as it was to learn them, as generally we pick up what is acceptable or not, or what gets us our way or not, when we are very young.  There obviously came a point in your development when there seemed no reason to learn a better way of coping with life. However, if your family and friends are being unfairly treated them perhaps now is the time? If you don’t know yet what makes you mad then start with this article on finding out what causes your anger and this article on learning to break the patterns of angry outbursts.

If you don’t think that using temper tantrums and aggressive behaviours at home is bullying, then sorry, but you’re in denial!!

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Comments

  1. Billbilly says:

    didnt think i was being a bully but i do shout at my wife and kids a bit much so im trying to stop that as i dont want my kids to just see that all the time. thanks for posting

  2. I’m glad you’re going to try to stop. It is not nice for anyone to experience but it is especially damaging for kids, so good on you for recognising that.

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