What is a trigger?

A trigger is what sets you off.  It can be completely unconscious, unless you have spent time trying to control your angry behaviour; then it can be something you become conscious of.  It can be something that has you shouting in temper and acting very aggressively within moments.

Triggers can be anything at all really and what sets one person off may have no effect on another. Very often, our triggers exist because of previous bad experiences.  For example, somebody who felt very vulnerable and shamed as a child after they did/said something may, as a grown up, experience an intense burst of anger if similar feelings arise.  Read more... (581 words, estimated 2:19 mins reading time)

Although the anger that seems to cause the most problems for people is the type of anger that is unleashed in a temper – because it’s loud and aggressive and can be scary – there is another type of anger that can affect our physical and mental health just as much and it is usually felt by people who do not engage in public anger displays and in fact do everything they can do to avoid them.  Read more... (633 words, estimated 2:32 mins reading time)

Name: Silva Life Systems
Description: Training course on the Silva Method

About 10 years ago, I came across a recording that changed my life. It sounds like a big claim but at the time I wasn’t very happy and was searching for something to help me meditate.  I instinctively knew that meditation was what I needed to do, and that I would find peace and happiness if I could get a handle on my negative feelings and stop the negative thoughts.  Having tried other methods of meditation in the past with no real success, I kept looking for something that would help.  Read more... (676 words, 1 image, estimated 2:42 mins reading time)

How many times has someone calmly asked you not to do something, or told you something you do has upset them, only for you to blow up on them and make them scurry away in fright?

They’ll be more careful next time, won’t they? 🙂

Anger displays are often used as a defence mechanism, and it’s easy to understand why.  Ours, and many other species, evolved to be that way towards others who may want to hurt us, or who wants to take something of ours away.  Read more... (689 words, estimated 2:45 mins reading time)

Ok, so there’s this person in my life called John and he has been a very angry man for a long time.  He’s very sweet and kind and courteous but he has had problems with controlling his temper.  We’ve been working on this now for a few years and he has made great progress.  Bit by bit he has realised the damage that is done from his anger and relatively recently he has accepted that no one else wants to witness his temper tantrums let alone be on the receiving end of them.  He has even started apologising after them which I never thought I’d see.  Read more... (1567 words, estimated 6:16 mins reading time)

I’ve written before about the need to control stress in order to control your anger.  As it’s a very hard thing to do though, I thought I’d share some more insights.

In our primordial past, humans needed stress as a way of telling them there was danger and they needed to get away- fast.  When the danger had passed, their stress levels would drop.  So it was a very useful function for survival.  But what about today, do we need stress?  Read more... (1058 words, estimated 4:14 mins reading time)

Maybe!

Anger in and of itself is not bad or negative and in fact can be a very powerful force for change and improvement, both in society and in a person’s life.  It’s only when our reactions and behaviours are out of our control or we hurt ourselves and others that it becomes a problem.

So many people who have anger issues that I speak to, feel entitled to be angry and think that exploding in anger is the only way to release your negative emotions.  And that once you do this, you will feel better.  Read more... (531 words, estimated 2:07 mins reading time)

All too often we have coping strategies that don’t work.  When stressed about something, we can end up making ourselves even more stressed.  If something frustrates us, however minor it may be, we can erupt in rage.  We may not even be able to figure out why our reactions are so intense or why something so trivial bothers us so much when other people seem well able to cope if in a similar situation.  If someone upsets us we can dwell on their shortcomings, what they said and how they said it for days, and thereby causing ourselves more and more unhappiness.  Read more... (1128 words, 1 image, estimated 4:31 mins reading time)

Do you enjoy the power that being and acting angry gives you?  Do you end up getting your own way most of the time because other people are afraid to ‘set you off’?  Or maybe you end up in regular conflict with your spouse, where the only way you know to not feel submissive and dominated by them, is to respond with angry outbursts.  We all know somebody who seems to have an anger problem; they explode suddenly in temper, shout and look very threatening.  Once the world is how they want it, they are happy and friendly people, but if something or someone interferes with that, they are ready to strike with a quick and sudden temper.  What’s really going on here?  Read more... (920 words, estimated 3:41 mins reading time)

Do you try to control, manipulate or force others to behave and do what you want?  Or do you try to control every aspect of your environment from the placement of ornaments in the livingroom to how often the heating is put on?  What happens when these things do not happen the way you want?  Do you calmly accept life as it happens or do you explode in anger, shout, throw things, bang doors and act aggressively and hostile?  Do you tower over your family with wild eyes and point your finger at them to make them cower before you?  If you do then you’re a bully!  Read more... (623 words, 1 image, estimated 2:30 mins reading time)