Avoid Anger: Accept things as they are

woman zen portraitI was driving to work this morning in heavy traffic on a dual carriageway, and a car was sitting in front of me in the over-taking lane, refusing to overtake cars in the other lane, refusing to move in and even doing far less than the speed limit.  To say I started to get annoyed is an understatement.  I could feel my stress levels rising….I was getting angry.  My mind became filled with negative talk, such as “why doesn’t that jerk just move in and let me past, don’t they know the rules of the road.  Can’t they drive. They’re useless”.  Cue road rage…

Dealing with someone who winds you up on purpose

hispanic woman pointing fingerDo you have to deal with someone who constantly winds you up?

Is every little thing you do/don’t do up for discussion and a critique by them?

Do they know they are getting to you but keep it up anyway and enjoy when you finally break and lose your temper?

Recognising the Antagonist

Do you know what makes you angry?

Do you know what makes you angry?

Does someone else cause you to get angry?  Are you entitled to take your rage out on whomever and whatever is around?

If you’re like a lot of people then perhaps you don’t even know why you get so mad…and so quickly too.  The sad fact is that it is not down to anybody else.  It’s only down to you.  If someone else could ‘make’ you get angry then they would also have the power to turn your anger off.  They can’t though, all they can do is either appease you or leave you.

Understanding an Angry Person

What is it that is making someone angry or display angry behaviours?  Why do they shout, become aggressive and sometimes violent?

Controlling anger by controlling your emotions.

How many times have you decided not to lose control of your temper only to watch yourself turn into the incredible hulk;- angry, aggressive trying to find ways to unleash the awful rage that is inside you.  Furniture, objects, strangers and sometimes the people you love are on the receiving end.  You end up so angry, you feel filled with hate and as if you could take revenge on someone without remorse.  Except…that’s not how you really feel.  When you’ve calmed down and are back to your normal self, you can feel guilty and embarrassed by your behaviour and the thoughts you had.  You may also find yourself having to apologise and see the look of disapproval and blame in someone else’s eyes.  How great would it be if we could by-pass all of that negativity and never have to go through, or put anyone else through, all of that.

Breaking the patterns of angry outbursts

One thing you have probably noticed in all the angry outburst and conflicts that occur is that there are patterns to them. Things might change slightly with each different instance, but in general, they will usually all play out in a similar way.  This is true for how your anger begins and then erupts.  If you try, you will probably see that certain kinds of things set you off far more quickly than others and that the emotions you feel inside are always quite similar.  Also the speed at which you lose your temper is the same.  You may notice that it takes seconds to go from calm to annoyed, and then another few seconds to get to the stages of being angry and shouting.

Communicating with others effectively

Communication, we use it every day to accomplish both simple and complex tasks.  We use it on a personal level with family, friends and work colleagues and also out in public while driving, shopping, etc,.  We learn how to get our needs met and how to function in society properly by communicating effectively with those around us.  Even though, for the most part, we are good at communicating with others, it is easy to see where misunderstandings occur.  There can be several reasons for this.

Release Anger Constructively

Ok, so sometimes the only way to deal with anger is to let it out….all of it. But how do you do that without causing damage to someone or something, or so as not to cause yourself embarrassment with the people around you? The first thing is to realise that this is your problem, noone elses, and you have to deal with it yourself in a healthy manner and a way that is fair to those around you!! You have to find constructive ways of releasing your emotions. There are a few ways you can do this so try them out and see which ways suit you best.

Controlling Stress

Why are you stressed??

This is the crux of the issue, you may already know why you’re stressed and just need to find ways to deal with it but like many, maybe you have never really had the chance to analyse your life to figure out what’s causing you all this tension. If this is the case then you really need to identify ALL the stressors in your life and find out which ones are causing the problems. Bear in mind that we all have stress and in fact need a certain amount, as otherwise why would we bother getting up in the morning at all? What you are looking for here are things that are playing on your mind all the time, upsetting you and making you tense up.