Controlling anger by controlling your emotions.

How many times have you decided not to lose control of your temper only to watch yourself turn into the incredible hulk;- angry, aggressive trying to find ways to unleash the awful rage that is inside you.  Furniture, objects, strangers and sometimes the people you love are on the receiving end.  You end up so angry, you feel filled with hate and as if you could take revenge on someone without remorse.  Except…that’s not how you really feel.  When you’ve calmed down and are back to your normal self, you can feel guilty and embarrassed by your behaviour and the thoughts you had.  You may also find yourself having to apologise and see the look of disapproval and blame in someone else’s eyes.  How great would it be if we could by-pass all of that negativity and never have to go through, or put anyone else through, all of that.

There is a point, a certain junction, where we change from being composed to agitated, and then to enraged.  What happens at this point is what we need to examine.  What is making us lose our composure?  Do we decide to?  If we do then can’t we also decide not to?

Our anger is on a very basic level, our emotions.  Something happens to hurt us or that will potentially hurt us.  There is a perceived threat to our well being, whether conscious or unconscious.  It doesn’t have to be a physical threat, people can hurt us in many different ways.  When we perceive this threat our very basic responses, hard wired into us from time immemorial, are triggered.  This is a natural response and is not something we need to, or are able to, change.  But this is just a warning system, nicknamed the ‘fight or flight’ mode.

We have the ability to decide that something is not a danger to us, we have the ability to respond in a different way.  We do not have to run away and we also do not have to stay and fight.  We can stay and talk, sensibly, calmly and rationally.  Or, if we are struggling with anger issues, we can decide to hold our temper and extract ourselves from the situation thereby avoiding a conflict.

It is important to stay very present as soon as you sense you are approaching the point at which you change from composure to anger.  Noticing what you are feeling inside and realising that you do not have to follow a pre-determined course of action will allow you the time to decide if you can continue in the situation, or whether you should temporarily withdraw.  If you need help in order to accomplish this, check out breaking the patterns of angry outbursts. Think about the circumstances that led up to you feeling angry and work out how you are really feeling underneath. Why are you angry about this situation or person? Analyse your emotions, how did you feel? Embarrassed, insulted or diminished in some way?

This is taking control of your angry outbursts by taking control of your emotions.  You can still be angry, but it is something you can deal with positively and without harmful results. It is all about you taking control of your anger by noticing and understanding the emotions you feel!

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  1. Duuna says:

    Thanks.I wud like to control my emotions but its kinda hard when im so angry

    • Thanks for your comment Duuna. It can be very hard but its certainly something that is worth trying to do.

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