Do you know what makes you angry?

Do you know what makes you angry?

Does someone else cause you to get angry?  Are you entitled to take your rage out on whomever and whatever is around?

If you’re like a lot of people then perhaps you don’t even know why you get so mad…and so quickly too.  The sad fact is that it is not down to anybody else.  It’s only down to you.  If someone else could ‘make’ you get angry then they would also have the power to turn your anger off.  They can’t though, all they can do is either appease you or leave you.

Of course you can decided not to get angry and you can even stop yourself from raging at some unsuspecting family member or stranger…but can you do that all the time?  Do you really have enough control over yourself to always stay calm in every situation?

Sometimes anger is a genuine feeling, a response to something that is unfair or that could be damaging to you and in that case it is perfectly acceptable to get angry.  However, so often it is other emotions that you feel, but for some reason are unable to recognise or process and it all comes out as anger.

It could be embarrassment or a sense that you’re losing control.  You may feel disrespected or abandoned or simply that someone who should care doesn’t seem to.  This can cause you to lash out.  We’ve all been guilty of it to some degree.  However, if you’re doing it too much, you need to figure out why….because there is a reason.

Analysing your emotions, especially after an ‘episode’ is the key to figuring out why you become so angry.  If you find this hard to do then try the following.

Whatever led to the disagreement you had, break it down into small little parts.  For instance, if you had a fight with your significant other, then sit down together (or alone if you prefer).

Think about what happened, what was the first thing you noticed that was irritating you.  Then stop!  Think what that particular moment was like for the other person who was there.  Did you do/say something to them first?  Did they say something you didn’t like?  Do you think they meant to cause you offense or hurt you?  Just try and give a few minutes thought to the other person’s perspective, just for a minute.  Then try and ‘fill in the blanks’. Make statements such as the following:

When you said/did _____________ I felt ______________.

But make sure you don’t use the words angry or any word that is related to anger.  Make sure you are filling in the gaps with your real feelings.  Then if the argument escalated and lots of things were done and said, keep going with the ‘filling in the gaps’ exercise until you have a clear picture of what you felt and what kind of things made you feel that way.

I’m pretty sure that you’ll find that underneath all that anger was hurt.  Possibly lots of hurt and it may be hurt that is very old.  These are the feelings you need to think about.  Just sit and ponder them for a while and try to figure out how they came to be with you.  This is the first step in letting them go.  Learn to recognise the real emotion underneath all that anger.

Best of luck and let me know how you get on.

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  1. Im haveing alot of anger problems i have depresstion im on just seem like somebody does something it gets me really upset.i dont know what to do about my life. There othering women liveing in my home she trying to take over my life and take my husband.

  2. Julie says:

    Hi I wonder if you can help me , I have been married for 21 years now to a man that was divorced by his first wife , I am also divorced and I divorced him, my new husband has been very difficult right from the start even the day before we got married, he carnt stand any criticism of any type even when he is in a mood and I arsk is everything okay, so life is like hell on Earth for me as I get the silent treatment for months because he wants me to apologise for trying to help him,I’m 62 &he is 67 and retired now ,I don’t want the upheaval of losing my home any helpful advice would be appreciated thanks .

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