Making Yourself Angrier and Angrier

Although the anger that seems to cause the most problems for people is the type of anger that is unleashed in a temper – because it’s loud and aggressive and can be scary – there is another type of anger that can affect our physical and mental health just as much and it is usually felt by people who do not engage in public anger displays and in fact do everything they can do to avoid them.

Some people like to avoid confrontation and so they tend to appease other people when they are being awkward or demanding or generally engaging in dominant behaviours.  It works, demanding people like to be appeased and have no need then to continue with a conflict, but it can leave the appeaser with an enormous sense of unfairness and anger.

Yes, everybody feels anger at times and it is not limited to the people who find it hard to keep their temper in check.  This kind of anger does not get resolved easily because the appeaser….well they appeased the demanding person in order to avoid a conflict at that moment in time.  But what happens afterwards?

All too often the conflict continues to play on in their head and if it is playing out in their head night after night, then they certainly have not avoided the conflict but in fact are participating in it all on their own!  Some of the best arguments can take place in one individuals head.

Negative thoughts about what should have been said or done for them to have effectively stood up for themselves, or what should be done the next time they meet the person can lead to stress, insomnia and unhappiness.

The feeling of not having stood up for yourself effectively can leave you with low self-esteem and instead of confidently standing up for yourself the next time you meet the person, you can feel a sense of fear of challenging them and find yourself again appeasing their unreasonable demands.

If a pattern has formed in the interactions between you and a dominant individual and you are continuously left feeling this way then anger is sure to follow.  You can be angry at them for treating you this way and also angry with yourself for allowing it to continue. In fact, the longer it continues the harder it is to change the patterns that have formed.

How often have you had an encounter with someone who left you feeling inadequate or even a bit bullied?  They may have put you under pressure and used manipulation tactics to get what they wanted, with you then giving them what they wanted in order to avoid a conflict with them.  And this leads to anger that can cause huge damage to your self-esteem and therefore your life in general.

So what can you do?

Find ways to increase your self-esteem and learn some assertiveness techniques that will empower you and enable you to interact with people.  Find out why it’s important in this article I wrote about assertiveness training.

But more importantly, change your thought patterns to stop yourself from constantly repeating the negative thoughts and feelings you have.  The more you let that part of your mind continue on unchallenged the angrier you will make yourself.  I’ve written about positive thought techniques before so check it out if you want to know more.

What it really boils down to is getting control over your own thoughts so you are not making yourself simmer in anger day after day.

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